Sunday, March 3, 2019

#2: What is Your Greatest Fear?

It took me three days to compose my thoughts on this question. Telling the whole world what your greatest fear it opens you up a great vulnerability. I have decided that I'd rather be authentic and open.

My greatest fear is rejection. I like putting myself forward to do things and serve others. However, I am constantly afraid of being rejected, mocked, laughed at, or told to shut up and sit down. When I don't get the result I'm hoping for, I feel like a failure and that nobody wants to work with me. I know this is not true and only my stubbornness and tenacity keeps me from shutting down and becoming a hermit.

This past January I decided to make myself a vision board. This was to help me visualize what I wanted to accomplish this year. One of the things I recognized that I needed to overcome was my fear of failure and, most of all, rejection. I need to continue to put myself out there and just learn to deal with the haters and nay-sayers. I know I'm not perfect. Others can point that out if they like, but I'm still going to work to make my voice heard and strive to help others.

As you can see from my vision board, board gaming is important to me. I want to serve others by helping to diversify my local gaming community and the gaming community overall. I am working on this in two ways.

The first is my podcast, Our Turn! Gaming for Everyone. On this show, we talk about games and inclusivity. Games aren't just for upper-middle-class white guys. They are for everyone who likes to play them. Not all games are for all people, but gaming is available for everyone to enjoy.

The second way is through the nonprofit organization I started with the help of my friends called Your Turn Community Events. This is our effort to get women, people of color, and people from the LGBTQIA community involved in tabletop gaming. This includes board and card games and role-playing games. We are just getting started in this effort and have some big news coming soon.

Both of these efforts get me excited and help me overcome my fear of rejection. I just have to keep moving forward and not let the fear of failure and rejection stop me in my tracks.

Sunday, February 24, 2019

#1: What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Perfect happiness, to me, is the freedom and ability to explore. Explore ideas and concepts. Explore the surrounding area. Explore by traveling to new places. Explore the opinions of others through debate (not arguing) of fundamental philosophies.

I want to live in such a way that I have the time and energy after the work-day is done to do that exploration. I don't want to work so much that I'm exhausted at the end of every day. To this end, I am trying to minimize my possessions and space that I live in to make exploring possible. It's a difficult endeavor but I am working at it.

I have taken carloads of unnecessary items to Good Will or thrown them away (which I cringe at doing. I'd rather see things recycled). I am trying to buy less stuff and am working to develop a justification for any new items coming into the house. Something like the book I bought or a day planner I purchased, have to have a purpose when I bring them in. The day planner will help me get more organized. The book (3000 Questions About Me) will provide me a way to explore myself. They are both tools.

I am also trying to explore more by taking my dogs to the dog park more often. There I meet interesting people and can work at making connections within the community. I have also started going to a weekly meditation class where I can, again, explore me and who I am both to me and to the world at large. I am also exploring other MeetUp groups that can help me on my journey through life.

I think I've spent too much time defining myself and my life by what others think of me. It's time for me to worry more about what I think of me. I need to be more gentle with myself and allow myself to be human. I also need to kick my own butt into gear to achieve the things I want to achieve. More on that as this journey progresses.

Back at it and Changing Gears...Again!

2018 was a busy and eventful year for me. We moved. I changed jobs twice. I had issues with my depression largely stemming from not taking my medications like I was supposed to. I started a non-profit organization to try to spread my love of board games. There is another site dedicated to that effort. Once it's up and running, I'll link to it here. It was, I think, a transformative year for me.

I have decided to revive this blog, not because I think anyone reads it, but because I need an outlet for something new I'm trying. I was recently at Target and saw a book for sale there called, "3000 Questions About Me." This intrigued me so I bought the book and have decided I will try to answer the questions in the order they are asked. I haven't decided how often I will answer them. I know trying to do the first one (see my next post) took a couple days of thinking on how I wanted to answer it. It was a bit challenging. Each question will be a blog post. They are all open-ended questions and are quite thought-provoking. How long will it take me to complete all 3,000 questions? I have no idea. Let's just see where the journey takes us, shall we?